A moment of "selfish" reflection

I am coming back to my blog. I think I have the inspiration to really write about my musings. I feel self-centered sharing my thoughts but I have realized that talking is how we understand each other. My physical silence mirrors my creative silence.

Enough is enough. It is time to speak, time to exorcise the demons of insecurity, self-loathing, and doubt. I am excited to begin a new chapter in my life. Nothing right now is how it was imagine in my head three years ago before I started law school. My warm rosy fantasy has once again been plunged in the cold depths of reality.

I hope that 2013 will begin the slow, unattractive building of a life that leads to glory. It is never the rocket trajectory that the hindsight-biased, neat, made for TV magazine story paints it to be. Glory comes in the dark moments when you feel like collapsing under the weight of your sorrow and it seems you've failed again. Glory comes from pushing forward with hope even when the way ahead looks dark.

One thing that is a credo in my life, an unshakable principle, is that surviving is its self success. To be alive is a victory on its own. Laurence Gonzalez book "Deep Survival: Who lives, Who dies and Why" has underscored that point to me.

Apathy makes us resent existence and the dull, comfortable passing of each day. Apathy comes from a life without risk. Another principle I have learned is that without risk there is no reward. Risk doesn't have to be reckless, it just means that you have to have "skin in the game", that you are putting something of yourself at a risk of loss. That loss could be anything from emotional vulnerability with a family member or actual money to finance a dream.


I pray that we can all learn to risk wisely.